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baja1d
07-20-2013, 02:49 PM
Need some advice.... My daughter turned 4 today and asked her Grandmother for an Ipad. Fortunately this conversation took place on "speaker phone" and my wife overheard my daughter's request. Later in that same conversation my wife specifically asked my Mother-in-law not to purchase an Ipad but suggested a more 4 year old appropriate gift. Well, as luck would have it, the lastest Ipad was in my daughters hands for about 30 seconds. Fortunately, we hadn't given her our gift, a princess "dress-up" kit, which truned out to be a great distracter to slip the Ipad back into the bag & outta sight. So how do I manage this latest situation regarding Grandma? She's a sweet lady but constantly disregards our wishes regarding gifts, nap times, light discipline (like maners), and basically anything else that she doesn't want to hear?

BournID
07-20-2013, 05:33 PM
Don't worry... You only have 13-14 more years of these kind of problems:). I'd say most of it is generational. And all of it is out love for your daughter... If you remember those two things, it makes it a lot easier.

ScaldedDog
07-20-2013, 10:21 PM
The 500 mile rule. Never live within 500 miles of family. Everyone gets along great.

Mark

baja1d
07-20-2013, 10:24 PM
The 500 mile rule. Never live within 500 miles of family. Everyone gets along great.

Mark

I like that. Pine Junction wasn't far enough & now we're in Littleton!!!

AxleIke
07-21-2013, 12:04 AM
Tell her I need an Ipad! :D:D:D:D

LOL. No advice here, I don't really get along with my mother in law, but I hardly see her even though she is in Bailey. I'm sure things will get tricky once the little ones come along.

That said, I find with family matters, its always best to keep the peace if possible. No winners in family drama.

Where did you live in Pine Junction? Thats where I'm from, my folks live back in Lionsbrook.

baja1d
07-21-2013, 05:56 AM
Thanks fellas, I'm still very irritated but didn't lose any sleep. We were neighbors w/ D. Brown at the base of Lion's Head (now Stanton State Park).

kurtnkegger
07-21-2013, 08:34 AM
Return the ipad for a refund, and open a savings account for your little one for the future. If questioned about the device, a simple "she broke it right away" answer would do....If you did this with all the gifts that are out-of-line from your Mother in law, your kid might end up with a nice little account come college time...

baja1d
07-21-2013, 08:56 AM
Return the ipad for a refund, and open a savings account for your little one for the future. If questioned about the device, a simple "she broke it right away" answer would do....If you did this with all the gifts that are out-of-line from your Mother in law, your kid might end up with a nice little account come college time...

This was discussed but our concern is the future...when she's not so easily distracted by another wrapped gift

farnhamstj
07-21-2013, 02:54 PM
Find some good educational stuff for her to play on the ipad, read books, ect. We go through the same stuff with my parents/ wife's parents.
You can use the i-pad as reward and punishment. Earn time for good behavior, lose time for poor behavior.


She's a Grandma, that's what Grandma's do. That's why Grandparents are Awesome. If we're lucky, we'll get to be that awesome one day.

We now send our kids to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for 10 days every August. Grandparents follow the rules better when kids stay overnight at their house for a few days.

simps80
07-21-2013, 03:09 PM
Don't worry... You only have 13-14 more years of these kind of problems:). I'd say most of it is generational. And all of it is out love for your daughter... If you remember those two things, it makes it a lot easier.

This.

I am a big "intentions" guy.

it took a long time for me to realize that intentions don't carry as much weight as they should when we interact with each other especially in laws and family. That's not a free pass to disregard boundaries as long as it is with good intentions. But if everyone in general, not just families put some more weight into intentions behind actions and reactions things would be easier me thinks.

Squishy!
07-21-2013, 07:11 PM
I believe intention are very important to remember. It keeps me humble. That said I also believe in good boundaries. It keeps the drama out and keeps us happy to be around each other. On instance with my mother-in-law (the first on MANY boundaries) was her commenting on my weight. I'm rounder than I used to be and it is a bit of a sore spot. She was always using a demeaning tone and though I reminded myself she has the best intentions I drew the line in a respectful manner. Since then she has been more respectful and nice to be with.

baja1d
07-21-2013, 07:18 PM
Find some good educational stuff for her to play on the ipad, read books, ect. We go through the same stuff with my parents/ wife's parents.
You can use the i-pad as reward and punishment. Earn time for good behavior, lose time for poor behavior.


She's a Grandma, that's what Grandma's do. That's why Grandparents are Awesome. If we're lucky, we'll get to be that awesome one day.

We now send our kids to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for 10 days every August. Grandparents follow the rules better when kids stay overnight at their house for a few days.

I like it, especially the multiple day part! Thanks for all the input from everyone... My anger is beginning to subside as I look at this from different angles.

Rezarf
07-21-2013, 09:35 PM
Family situations are tougher when folks don't communicate openly.

I'd invite grandma to a chat, make it casual over dinner... then engage with your concerns, and let her share hers. At the end of the day reassure her that you are the parents, and what you say WILL go when it comes to your kids.

Grandma wants to bless your kids, way to go grandma...

However, you know what IS BEST FOR YOUR KIDS! Way to go mom and dad.

I still believe the father is the head of the house, that's big time responsibility... I feel it's time to gently and respectfully step in and lead your family.

I too would ask grandma to open a college fund or buy a zoo pass or a pass to the local pool or whatever you think is in your kids best interest.

Be open, share your concerns, hear hers... then lead YOUR family.

baja1d
07-21-2013, 11:17 PM
100% agree with leading the family. This is a tricky situation because we've had more than one casual but serious discussions. These go well up until the point where she dislikes or disagrees with our stance. At this point she shuts down and stop listening, literally checks out of the discussion or tries some passive aggressive crying.

AxleIke
07-22-2013, 10:46 AM
Crazy. We live back behind the Browns. Back in the hidden valley ranch area.

Inukshuk
07-22-2013, 08:26 PM
My anger is beginning to subside as I look at this from different angles.

Look inward as the anger was triggered by her, but not because of her. No need for you to suffer being angry for more than 30 seconds.

Grandparents follow the rules better when kids stay overnight at their house for a few days.

:lmao:

At this point she shuts down and stop listening, literally checks out of the discussion or tries some passive aggressive crying.

Sorry to hear. That's tricky and is going to require some real top notch skills to manage.

Corbet
07-22-2013, 08:43 PM
Ipads are great for kids if you control the content. Plus they can "FaceTime" grandparents to see them more often. Bridger knows how to use Marianne's better than I do. He gets a pretty even split of educational "games" mixed with angry birds. He has been using it since age 1?

As far as boundaries with grandparents that is a tough one. We generally issue a no gift rule for most occasions unless its a hand me down. We just don't need more crap for the kid in most cases. I'd rather a visiting family member go take Bridger somewhere and do something special than buy him something to sit in the toy box.

Rezarf
07-22-2013, 10:36 PM
100% agree with leading the family. This is a tricky situation because we've had more than one casual but serious discussions. These go well up until the point where she dislikes or disagrees with our stance. At this point she shuts down and stop listening, literally checks out of the discussion or tries some passive aggressive crying.

Sorry man, that is tough. REALLY TOUGH... you are doing the right thing. Is there any chance your wife can pull her aside and speak into this a little more directly? Sometimes blood can say things to blood that the "by marriage" can't. Don't get too down, you're doing a great job to be this involved on your families behalf already man, keep it up! :thumb:

baja1d
07-23-2013, 06:20 AM
Success!!! Grandma called & asked about the iPad. We stated that we hadn't let her plan with it and are considering something more age appropriate. 30 minutes later she called again & asked if she could take Lilah to "build a doll".

I know that the iPads are wonderfully tools & in time they will be encouraged here w/ supervision. Until then, curiosity & exploration will have to do.

Squishy!
07-23-2013, 07:08 AM
Good on ya! :thumb: Progress is a huge encouragement especially when there is a mutual resolution and not backlash. Sounds like she came up with a great alternative. Time spend with grand kid and imagination not spoiled. Win win win.

FJBRADY
07-23-2013, 07:48 AM
Nice, I am glad it is resolving itself.


The 500 mile rule. Never live within 500 miles of family. Everyone gets along great.



I did this 12 years ago and it has worked out tremendously.

Rezarf
07-23-2013, 08:43 PM
That's cool to hear man. Glad it's working out. I'd seize the moment in explaining your gratitude and how to discuss future gifts. Way to go man! :D

Red_Chili
07-24-2013, 10:09 AM
The 500 mile rule. Never live within 500 miles of family. Everyone gets along great.

Mark
I hope my behavior never forces my sons into this option!! :(

Squishy!
07-25-2013, 02:53 PM
I hope my behavior never forces my sons into this option!! :(

So what does it mean since YOU moved away from US? :eek:

:lmao: