View Full Version : Stupid parent tricks

07-17-2007, 08:09 PM
We've got lots of parents in the RS, and quite a few "new" parents. I want to hear some of your best stupid parent tricks.. in hopes to create the ultimate parenting advice thread.

I'll start- last night in the bathtub, I did the ultimate bad parent move and left my kid in there unattended (he's almost 2). Needed to get a washcloth, I think total time away was right around 4 seconds, but that's the longest he's ever been left w/o supervision in the bath. For whatever reason that gets beat into your head to never leave a baby in the bath alone (and for good reason, I've seen him take quite a few dives!) but he's a little more coordinated now in the slippery tub. Suffice to say, all was well 4 seconds later and we proceeded with scrubby time. How old do they need to be before you trust them in the tub, anyway? :confused:

Oh yeah, and one time when he was super young I left him asleep in his car seat in the 80 while I went into Starbucks to grab a coffee. Had an eye on the truck the whole time, and it felt so wrong.. then later I fessed up to the wife and she said "oh yeah, I did that too the other day." :eek: :doh:

07-17-2007, 09:21 PM
:lmao: My daughter thought it was okay to leave her 3 & 5 year olds in the tub while tending to the 4 month old only to hear excessive splashing. Found the big kids emptying the tub. :lmao:

Having weathered the parenting years I'm sure I can come up with a few tips if this takes off.

07-17-2007, 09:35 PM
how bout the sledding story:
going of ramp, kid lands wrong. now he has had a habit of being a little "whiny" so I say "toughen up" "stop being a baby" next day, xray's and a green stick fracture of the collarbone.

or the fishing trip:
kid generally being a jerk, pissing and moaning about everything. We came to fish, so I tell him to go play, and I get my gear on. As I pass him he says "my stomach hurts". I say, "go tell your mother, I'm going fishing" less than 12 hours later he almost dies on the operating table...

anyone else?

07-17-2007, 10:17 PM
We have a bench (about 14" high) at the bar in the kitchen. I'm solo with my then 5 year old. She's standing on the bench talking to me. I'm standing at the stove preparing a snack. I turn sideways to do something. A few seconds later, I hear a THUNK. She's laying on her back on the ground. I do a basic neurological check (pass out, coordination, eyes, etc.) nothing wrong. I setup a movie for her in the living room and go back to the kitchen. Check on her a few minutes later and she's asleep. 20 minutes later, I wake her up. She can't walk (leg collapses out from under her). She says she's hungry. I carry her to the table, and put a plate in front of her. She can't pick up the spoon.

Right then, my wife gets back with the other two. I carry the eldest out to the car, shouting to my wife that I'll call her on my way to the emergency room (not the smoothest transition). As I'm walking up to the window, the projectile vomiting starts. Cat scan is clear, and 3 hours later when we were discharged, you would never know anything happened.

She later said she couldn't watch the movie because it was like looking through a straw.

Turns out she decided to try a jump-spin on the bench. :eek:

07-17-2007, 10:30 PM
Years earlier when she was about 3 and her brother almost 1, I had them both in one of those plastic play pools in the back yard. I was sitting next to them and they were playing happily for quite a while (15 minutes+).

I finished my drink and walked the 40 feet or so to get a refill in the kitchen. When I came back out, my son was face-up under water, and my daughter was outside the pool playing with a toy! I have no idea if he was under for 3 seconds or 30 seconds. :eek:

I picked him up and held him for a few minutes. No swallowed water, no upset, no nothing. Now, we know he's a water-baby. He LOVES water. Taught his older sister how to put her face in the water.

07-18-2007, 09:23 AM
Charlie was almost 2. We biked to the park with another family who has older girls. At the park, one of the older girls took Charlie down a really steep slide on her lap, and his left leg got trapped and twisted between her body and the side of the slide on the way down. He cried, but it wasn't apparent that there was any injury. So we loaded up on the bikes and started for home. Charlie was riding in the Burley behind my wife. Every time she hit a big bump, he would start to cry. We stopped several times to comfort him. By the time we made it home, which took forever, it was obvious that something was wrong with one (or both) of his legs. We went to the emergency room at Littleton Hospital (on a Sunday night), where they took x-rays and determined he had a spiral fracture on his left leg below the knee.

The good news is that kids heal fast. Within a week he was walking on his cast. By 4 weeks, he had worn a hole through the bottom of the cast and was healed up completely.

07-18-2007, 09:50 AM
Funny stories!

Tim - I've gotten lazy - we now employ the "within hearing distance" rule in our house.

I don't have any that involve injuries, but worst parent memory was when my daughter was somewhere between 18-24 months. She was in the house playing upstairs in her room, and so I wandered out to the garage (detached) to do something (can't remember what). Came back inside after a "few minutes", and was in the kitchen. The doorbell rings.....

It's a neighbor I had never met, who lived around the corner, and about 5 houses away on a different block. Apparently I had left the front door unlocked, and I guess Ellie wandered out the front door, and proceeded to walk down the street, turn the corner (very lucky, since straight would have meant crossing a street) and wander down the sidewalk a few houses. The only way this neighbor knew where she came from is because my dog had followed Ellie, and was walking near her. He had our house number on his collar.

That was the most shameful moment of my parenting life. Fortunately, these people were easy on me, and simply said they found her "wandering down the street." Needless to say, I was thankful, and many months later we met them at a block party, where I had to spill the beans to my wife and explain to her what happened. She went light on me too....

07-18-2007, 10:33 AM
Great stuff! Ok glad to see I'm not alone in this....

07-18-2007, 11:03 AM
Sarah was 3 and colored all over the wall with lip stick. Bonni was so mad she decided it was safer to put her in the garage. I came home a few minutes later, opened the garage door to a screaming kid pounding on the door to get in the house.

I am going to post another story based on what I thought this thread was about from the title

We were at the Smithsonian in DC in the American History Museum. We walked into an exhibit with lighting that took all the color out and everything was in black in white. Rachel was 6 and Sarah was 4.

Rachel: Whats this room Dad?
Me: Will this room is suppose to show you how life was in the 50's and early 60's before all the pollution.
Rachel:(looking confused) How is that?
Me: You know how all the old TV shows and movies are in B&W, thats because that's how the world was back then. Then all the pollution came and did some weird filtering of the light in the mid 60's and we then saw in color.
Rachel: Wow, thanks dad
Sarah's eyes get wider and she starts to look around more carefully.

10 minutes later
Rachel: Mom, this was a cool exhibit and dad told me how everything was B&W when you were a kid.
Bonni: Excuse me? i think your dad is pulling your chain again.
Rachel: DAAAADDDDD!:rant:

07-18-2007, 11:15 AM
Wow, off to get a vasectomy now. You guys have scared the Parental desire right out of me. Apparently everyone has at least one, "boy did I get lucky there story", but I'm not that lucky...

07-18-2007, 11:16 AM
Ken, that is a great story. That's what I thought this thread was going to be, too.

Uncle Ben
07-18-2007, 12:04 PM
When Amy, my oldest, was just started crawling she got into her first e-room visit. Being relatively new parents and not too many war wounds yet we ignored the fact that Amy had crawled over to her diaper bag and was having fun exploring it's contents (that were now all over the floor). All was life as usual until one of us noticed a large wet spot on the floor as well as the front of Amys shirt. Then to our horror we spotted the empty bottle of Dimeatap!!! :eek: A quick smell of her breath discovered that familiar grape smell. An immediate call to poison control led to a call to the doctors office and a frantic beeline to Urgent Care. Once there it was appearant that she indeed had drank an overdose as her heart rate was accelerating. After induced vomiting, activated charcoal went down her throat via syringe followed by more induced heaving. After her heart rate showed stability we were transfered to a different out-patient room where we spent the rest of the night and part of the next morning in observation until her pulse was back to normal. Most terrifying time of our lives! and the questioning by the follow up call from poison control was very unpleasant! Just a note on time frame....it took that tiny little toddler less that a couple minutes of unattended time to get off a nearly impossible, (for adults) stuck on child safety cap! Kids will rock your life! Good and bad!

07-18-2007, 12:25 PM
No injury story but a funny episode with my shy son at about 5 years old. Being reluctant to do many things we brought him to a "hands-on" museum where touching was part of the design. After some encouragement he got into it and was doing all the interactive stuff and having a good time.

We were looking at a bee hive that was partially enclosed inside with an exterior entrance. I was very interested and paying more attention to the bees than I was of my son. Since he had gotten into the interactive mode he read a sign and did what it said. He read "Pull Handle" and did - it was the fire alarm. :lmao:

We got to watch the fire trucks etc respond. The look of absolute terror on his face when the alarm went off will be with me forever.

07-18-2007, 01:27 PM
My son Forrest somehow became terrified of tornados. Could it have been the family viewing of that tornado movie with the storm chasers? Naw...

A storm was coming and Carrie needed to close up the barn before all heck broke loose, so she ran across the property to do so. Forrest was taking a nap. Then the storm hit, rain in buckets. I guess she got tied up in some project or something, because by the time she came back she found Forrest in the yard, drenched, trees whipping around, screaming sobbing. She felt TERRIBLE! He could barely talk, words kinda came out. He said, "It's happening a tornado! It...it's happening a tornado!" So of course he went looking for Mom.

Careful with them young'uns!

07-18-2007, 01:29 PM
OMG these are GREAT! :)

So many...so little time :lol:

One of my best is when I was playing hide and seek with my niece (then 5) and nephew (then 1) before we had kids. My niece was the "searcher" so I took my nephew and off we went to hide.

Well, the nephew wasn't all that great at the hiding and being quiet part. So I set him on the top bunk of the kid's bunk beds and proceeded to hide in the closest, thinking nothing of just having set a 1 year old on a bunk bed 6' in the air.

The look of horror on the faces of my in-laws when they heard what I did was all I needed to learn my lesson on that particular occassion. It is still talked about to this day :)

Before this I was baby sitting the rug rats one day. The nephew was sleeping quietly on the couch and the niece was hungry. I left the baby nephew on the couch to sleep and went into the kitchen to make lunch. Amazing how fast a baby can proceed to roll off the couch and onto the floor! :doh:

I often comment to my in-laws how grateful I am that they let me practice my parenting skills on their children :)

07-18-2007, 01:41 PM
Bill's tornado story reminded me of one of my favorite questions from my daughter. We were living in MN at the time and a tornado touched down about a half mile from our house. The destruction was extensive. Driving by a number of downed trees (I avoided the destroyed houses) my daughter, age 3, asked what happened to the trees. I told her a tornado knocked them down.

My ever pensive daughter thought about this for a few minutes then asked a follow up question:

"Dad, why would a tomato do that?" :eek: