An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2AM and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as the problems of smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who on earth would be giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."
"Why does the U.S. care which flag will be hoisted on a small piece of land thousands of miles away?" -- Ron Paul