Thread: Humor?
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:26 AM
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DaveInDenver DaveInDenver is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Larimer County
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One liners!
  • Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!
  • The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
  • I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
  • I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
  • I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
  • The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
  • My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
  • A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
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