Thread: Humor?
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Old 02-06-2013, 09:26 AM
DaveInDenver's Avatar
DaveInDenver DaveInDenver is offline
Hard Core 4+
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Larimer County
Posts: 7,095

One liners!
  • Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!
  • The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
  • I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
  • I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
  • I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
  • The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
  • My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
  • A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."
'91 Pickup - Imelda
'08 Tacoma TRD - Donna
'09 Kawasaki KLR650
'12 Gunnar Rockhound 29

"Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security. " --Albert Einstein
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