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Old 12-30-2009, 11:58 AM
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ttubb ttubb is offline
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Default OK all of us "Do it yourselfers" - Happy New Year

You will get a charge out of this. I have found these definitions to be very accurate.

Subject: Tool Definitions

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, ****!"

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

A tool used to make hoses too short.

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
KA7TLT - TLCA 13015
"78" FJ-40 - "Marmot" F&R ARB Lockers, OME Suspension, MAF Shackle Rev Kit, 4+ Flip Kit, Rear Disc Brakes, Warn Winch, Safari Snorkel, 4+ Rear bumper/Tire Carrier
"95" FZJ-80 - "White Top" F&R ARB Lockers, Slee F&R Bumper & Sliders, Warn Winch, 35s, Safari Snorkel, Low Range Gears, P/T Kit

"13" Taco 4X4 Extra Cab, Firestone Air Ride, Airstream tow vehicle - "Daily Driver"
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Old 12-30-2009, 12:47 PM
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simps80 simps80 is offline
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Location: Arvada, CO
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too funny!! insanely accurate.

glad to hear i'm not the only one whose primary purpose for pliers seems to be blood blisters..
Mike | KØSMP |
1997 fzj80 | 1976 FJ40 | TLCA # 20038
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Old 12-30-2009, 01:13 PM
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RockRunner RockRunner is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Roxborough
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I had to show Sharon this list. She replied with one sentence "all the things I have seen you do with those tools" Worse is that she is right, my jack was stuck under my truck for two weeks while I worked on it. Figured it was an extra "safety" device.
Thanks T aka Tom KR0MPS

Originally Posted by RockRunner;
keys = Man that is a whole story

TLCA #6136
Looking for a Troopy or 40, 45 BJ 4-5

Sold 85 4runner Marlin Ultimate 5" lift 40" MTR's Soft top and doors Towed to Moab by the Big Blue Whale, 07.5 Dodge Mega Cab Laramie 4" lift covered and chiped Totaled May 2013 Finally replace with 2010 Mega Cab nearly the same No more slow lane for me
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Old 01-04-2010, 12:10 PM
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Blackdiamond72 Blackdiamond72 is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Black Hawk
Posts: 120

I used my table saw to launch scrap pieces of my siding into my a**hole neighbor's lawn a few times. I also had a scar for awhile from grabbing hot vice grips off a roll cage immediately after welding.

How many more can I attain before I die? Goals?
James in Black Hawk

1969 FJ40 (Black, for now) 33" MT/Rs, 4"Suspension, 2" Body, 75 2f
2001 Taco Double Cab

"Get Busy Livin, or Get Busy Dyin..."

"Sport Utility Housing!"
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Old 01-04-2010, 11:30 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Denver
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to funny.. the integertety of my duplex's garags walls wasnt that strong.. if ya know what i mean.. and diddo on the hot vice grips.. and i take pride in knowing that i use my hose cutter properlly.. lol and even if ya measure 5 times and cut 1/4 times it never fails to make the smaller pieces of aluminum to eaiser fit into the trash.
TLCA # 20314
84 Hilux, 22re Conversion, 63" chevy rears, Rears up front, Bobbed bed, duel e-lockers, 5.29's, 35" Ground Hogs low compression
Step by Step Bed Bob
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