Rising Sun Member Forums  

Go Back   Rising Sun Member Forums > Toyota 4x4 > General Chit Chat

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 12-30-2009, 11:58 AM
ttubb's Avatar
ttubb ttubb is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Crested Butte/Tucson
Posts: 559
Default OK all of us "Do it yourselfers" - Happy New Year

You will get a charge out of this. I have found these definitions to be very accurate.

Subject: Tool Definitions


DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, ****!"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name
implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

Son of a b*tch TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
__________________
KA7TLT - TLCA 13015
"78" FJ-40 - "Marmot" F&R ARB Lockers, OME Suspension, MAF Shackle Rev Kit, 4+ Flip Kit, Rear Disc Brakes, Warn Winch, Safari Snorkel, 4+ Rear bumper/Tire Carrier
"95" FZJ-80 - "White Top" F&R ARB Lockers, Slee F&R Bumper & Sliders, Warn Winch, 35s, Safari Snorkel, Low Range Gears, P/T Kit

"13" Taco 4X4 Extra Cab, Firestone Air Ride, Airstream tow vehicle - "Daily Driver"
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-30-2009, 12:47 PM
simps80's Avatar
simps80 simps80 is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Arvada, CO
Posts: 945
Default

too funny!! insanely accurate.

glad to hear i'm not the only one whose primary purpose for pliers seems to be blood blisters..
__________________
Mike | KØSMP |
1997 fzj80 | 1976 FJ40 | TLCA # 20038
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-30-2009, 01:13 PM
RockRunner's Avatar
RockRunner RockRunner is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Roxborough
Posts: 4,400
Default

I had to show Sharon this list. She replied with one sentence "all the things I have seen you do with those tools" Worse is that she is right, my jack was stuck under my truck for two weeks while I worked on it. Figured it was an extra "safety" device.
__________________
Thanks T aka Tom KR0MPS

Quote:
Originally Posted by RockRunner;
keys = Man that is a whole story


TLCA #6136
Going under the knife again !

85 4runner Marlin Ultimate 5" lift 40" MTR's Soft top and doors Towed to Moab by the Big Blue Whale, 07.5 Dodge Mega Cab Laramie 4" lift covered and chiped No more slow lane for me
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-04-2010, 12:10 PM
Blackdiamond72's Avatar
Blackdiamond72 Blackdiamond72 is offline
Lifted
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Black Hawk
Posts: 120
Default

I used my table saw to launch scrap pieces of my siding into my a**hole neighbor's lawn a few times. I also had a scar for awhile from grabbing hot vice grips off a roll cage immediately after welding.

How many more can I attain before I die? Goals?
__________________
James in Black Hawk

1969 FJ40 (Black, for now) 33" MT/Rs, 4"Suspension, 2" Body, 75 2f
2001 Taco Double Cab

"Get Busy Livin, or Get Busy Dyin..."

"Sport Utility Housing!"
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-04-2010, 11:30 PM
TIMZTOY's Avatar
TIMZTOY TIMZTOY is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Denver
Posts: 1,893
Default

to funny.. the integertety of my duplex's garags walls wasnt that strong.. if ya know what i mean.. and diddo on the hot vice grips.. and i take pride in knowing that i use my hose cutter properlly.. lol and even if ya measure 5 times and cut 1/4 times it never fails to make the smaller pieces of aluminum to eaiser fit into the trash.
__________________
TLCA # 20314
84 Hilux, 22re Conversion, 63" chevy rears, Rears up front, Bobbed bed, duel e-lockers, 5.29's, 35" Ground Hogs low compression
Step by Step Bed Bob
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:25 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.