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  #91  
Old 01-26-2007, 10:19 PM
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farnhamstj farnhamstj is offline
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Default

hmmm.
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  #92  
Old 01-27-2007, 12:02 PM
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Tch2fly Tch2fly is offline
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>> This is strange!
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Think of a letter between
>> A and W.
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>>
>> Repeat it
>> out loud as
>> you scroll down.
>> .
>> .
>> .
>>
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Keep going . . .
>> Don't stop . .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Think of an
>> animal
>> that begins
>> with that letter.
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>>
>> .
>> .
>> Repeat it
>> out loud
>> as you scroll down.
>> .
>> .
>>
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Think of
>> either a man's/woman's
>> name
>> that
>> begins
>> with the
>> last letter
>> in the
>> animal's name
>> .
>> .
>>
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Almost
>> there........
>> .
>> .
>> .
>>
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Now
>> count out
>> the letters
>> in that name
>> on the fingers
>> of the hand
>> you are not
>> using to
>> scroll down.
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Take the
>> hand you
>> counted with
>> and hold it out
>> in front of you
>> at face level
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Look at your
>> palm
>> very closely
>> and
>> notice
>> the
>> lines
>> in
>> your
>> hand
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Do the lines
>> take the
>> form of the
>> first letter
>> in the
>> person's name?
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> . Of course not......
>> .
>> .
>> .
>> Now smack
>> yourself in the head, get a life,
>> and
>> quit playing
>> stupid
>> forum games!
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  #93  
Old 01-29-2007, 12:02 PM
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Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
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Default The next contestant.....

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter. It's filled to the brim with $10 bills.

He guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules," says the bartender.

So the man gives him the $10, and the bartender drops it into the jar.

"OK," the bartender says. "Here's what you need to do. First you have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila. The whole thing, all at once. And you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second, there is a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands."

"And, third, there is a 90 year old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot. I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat tequila?"
He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, loud scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says.......

"Wherez the old woman with the sore tooth?"
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  #94  
Old 01-29-2007, 12:07 PM
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Default Irish ******

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying ******? asks the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an "Irish ******". Just drop a ****** tablet in his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".

Less than a week later, she called the doctor to report on the results. The lady exclaimed, "Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid! Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really? What happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me, then and there, took me passionately on the tabletop! It was a real nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn't good"?

"Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But, sure as I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!"
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  #95  
Old 01-30-2007, 10:58 AM
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Default

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand.

He said "Preacher,
I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't swear."

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No ****?"
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  #96  
Old 02-01-2007, 07:02 PM
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Tom did like he always did, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling asleep. All of a sudden, he woke up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom thought about it for a while, and figured that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice, relaxed life. Running around with a rooster couldn't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're ****tin' all over the bed!"
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  #97  
Old 02-01-2007, 07:12 PM
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nakman nakman is offline
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!!!


All good entries, old woman with the sore tooth wins.
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  #98  
Old 02-09-2007, 10:49 PM
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Nick F. Nick F. is offline
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35%

bet he's not really stuck..
http://www.break.com/pictures/feb7gal20.html
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  #99  
Old 02-10-2007, 09:27 AM
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Condoleeza Rice came in to Bush's office and said "Sir, 2 Brazilian soldiers died in Iraq today."

George replied, "Holy Jesus this is terrible. How am I ever going to tell the American people about this one?"

She ponders about his strange over-reaction for a minute, then leaves.

George then turns to his secretary and says, "How much is a brazillion?"
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  #100  
Old 02-12-2007, 09:28 AM
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Default

From my sister...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind but I feel much luckier when I play topless."

With that, she stripped to the waist, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby . . . Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "Yes! Yes! I Won! I Won!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know . . . I thought you were watching."

The Moral of the Story:

Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men are men.
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