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  #191  
Old 10-30-2007, 11:39 AM
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Default Must ne close to November....

Top this....

A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks."


A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks."


A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."


The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, make her President, and then half the country will be out looking for work in one week."
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Cruisers are superior
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  #192  
Old 10-31-2007, 09:56 AM
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Default Never leave your Nuts alone!!

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.

For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well.

As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.

After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.

After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts". They all broke out into applause and cheered.

When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.

Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"

The assistant replied, "Well everything was going fine until this guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"

Admit it - this one brought a smile to your face
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12/74 FJ40, 2F, SM420, 4" Lift, ARBs, 33" MTRs

:

"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

"I really like having a detachable unit." Beater
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  #193  
Old 11-09-2007, 10:30 AM
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Default Old Guy At The Beach....

.......
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Kevin
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I need an FJ40....
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Cruisers are superior
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  #194  
Old 11-09-2007, 11:24 AM
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Default

Looks a little like Newt Gingrich... hmmm...
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  #195  
Old 11-09-2007, 11:33 AM
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Default A Toast

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Melba, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Melba said.

The next day, Melba ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Melba."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.
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  #196  
Old 11-12-2007, 01:43 PM
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Default

Hopefully this isn't a repeat...

Accident in Texas, turn on your volume

ACCIDENT IN TEXAS:

It's a phone call from a man in Texas who has just witnessed a car accident involving 4 elderly women.

It was so popular when they played it on CHUM FM that they had to put it on their site.

www.chumfm.com/morningshow/bits/march24.swf
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Jeff Z. (the "not quite as skinny" one)
TLCA #17037
'97 LX450 - aka "The Whale"
'97 FZJ80 Antique Sage AE #267, stock
12/74 FJ40, 2F, SM420, 4" Lift, ARBs, 33" MTRs

:

"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

"I really like having a detachable unit." Beater

Last edited by Hulk; 11-14-2007 at 09:48 AM. Reason: fixed link
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  #197  
Old 11-14-2007, 09:46 AM
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Get out of the car NOW!!

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, " I have a gun, and I know how to use it ! Get out of the car!!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why, ... ... it was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a frisbee and two 12 packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
NO charges were filed.

Moral of the story ??
If you're going to have a "Senior Moment", make it memorable.
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  #198  
Old 11-15-2007, 12:32 AM
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Default Class mates...

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL..

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA,WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.

THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.

"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED , "IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!", I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT SON-OF-A-xxxxx ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
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Kevin
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Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
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  #199  
Old 11-22-2007, 11:07 PM
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Default Got Earring?

Why Men Started Wearing Earrings


A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he friend replies sheepishly.
His man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"


"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
(I always wondered how this trend got started)
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Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
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  #200  
Old 11-27-2007, 09:47 PM
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Default

A Texas cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the $%@ out of all of you!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago..."
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