Rising Sun Member Forums  

Go Back   Rising Sun Member Forums > Toyota 4x4 > General Chit Chat

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #251  
Old 01-30-2008, 02:13 AM
Hulk's Avatar
Hulk Hulk is offline
Cruise Moab Committee
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: South Side!
Posts: 11,375
Send a message via AIM to Hulk
Default

Written by a local guy:
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/columns/chilijudge.htm
__________________
Matt Farr, Centennial, Colorado | Webmaster: TLCA.org
1996 FZJ80 TLCA #4189 WRDY
www.rustybrain.com/cruisers my Rising Sun bio Facebook Twitter Need satellite Internet? Check out: Exede Internet

If you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
Reply With Quote
  #252  
Old 01-30-2008, 07:55 AM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,111
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default Losing your marbels....



Talk about a poser!
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
  #253  
Old 01-30-2008, 09:19 AM
nakman's Avatar
nakman nakman is offline
Rising Sun Commander
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: north side
Posts: 9,878
Default

AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. About lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
__________________
99 uzj100, 05 525EXC

www.gamiviti.com

Reply With Quote
  #254  
Old 01-30-2008, 12:55 PM
corsair23's Avatar
corsair23 corsair23 is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton
Posts: 8,697
Default Old Butch...

OLD BUTCH (Political humor)

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets', and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully...the bells are not always audible
__________________
Jeff Z. (the "not quite as skinny" one)
TLCA #17037
'97 LX450 - aka "The Whale"
'97 FZJ80 Antique Sage AE #267, stock
12/74 FJ40, 2F, SM420, 4" Lift, ARBs, 33" MTRs

:

"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

"I really like having a detachable unit." Beater
Reply With Quote
  #255  
Old 01-31-2008, 10:30 PM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,111
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default Got Pee?

GOTTA PEE

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so
she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather

expensive pair of panties and did not want to

ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it,
so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded
to go home.

The next day one of the women's husband
was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect

the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!'


'That's nothing' said the other husband,
'Mine came back with a card stuck to her buns that
said.....


'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.'
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
  #256  
Old 01-31-2008, 10:35 PM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,111
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default Bessie and Clyde

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's
fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde . Didn't you say, at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine,'' asked the lawyer?


Clyde responded, 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my
favorite mule, Bessie, into the...'

'I didn't ask for any details,' the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?

Clyde said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road...'



The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Judge, I am trying
to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told
the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several
weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a
fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question, yes or no.'

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said
to the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite
mule, Bessie.'

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, 'Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down
the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and
smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie
was thrown into the other.'

'I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear
ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by
her moans.'

'Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He
could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he
looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.'

Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and
said, 'How are you feeling?'



'Now what the hell would you say?'
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
  #257  
Old 01-31-2008, 11:00 PM
Shark Bait's Avatar
Shark Bait Shark Bait is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 4,532
Default Alligator Shoes

A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"

The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "DAMN IT this one is barefoot too!!
__________________
Chris Hatfield, TLCA# 2768, KCZAB
Ad Sales Manager, Toyota Trails/tlca.org
'97 FZJ80, '07 GS350


Reply With Quote
  #258  
Old 02-01-2008, 11:13 AM
corsair23's Avatar
corsair23 corsair23 is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton
Posts: 8,697
Default Are we there yet? I know I'm starting to get there...

Greatest Fear

Three sisters ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94 year old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses. 'Was I going up the stairs or down?' The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful,' as she knocked on her wooden table for good measure. ' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

_______________________________________________

'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

___________________________________________

WHAT A CHOICE

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
____________________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

_____________________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Hell,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'

______________________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.'

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it!

She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, do you know that we just ran through three redlights in a row? You could have killed us both!'

Mildred turned to her and said, 'Crap, am I driving?'

______________________________________________________

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explain s her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher say, 'Stay calm, Maam, an officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.', He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
__________________
Jeff Z. (the "not quite as skinny" one)
TLCA #17037
'97 LX450 - aka "The Whale"
'97 FZJ80 Antique Sage AE #267, stock
12/74 FJ40, 2F, SM420, 4" Lift, ARBs, 33" MTRs

:

"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

"I really like having a detachable unit." Beater
Reply With Quote
  #259  
Old 02-01-2008, 04:43 PM
corsair23's Avatar
corsair23 corsair23 is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton
Posts: 8,697
Default Happy Mental Health...

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Happy Mental Health day! You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend.
__________________
Jeff Z. (the "not quite as skinny" one)
TLCA #17037
'97 LX450 - aka "The Whale"
'97 FZJ80 Antique Sage AE #267, stock
12/74 FJ40, 2F, SM420, 4" Lift, ARBs, 33" MTRs

:

"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

"I really like having a detachable unit." Beater
Reply With Quote
  #260  
Old 02-02-2008, 07:41 AM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,111
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default Lemonaide Prank

Ohhhh....I would freak!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=tD6Qcx6VXqY
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:14 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.