Rising Sun Member Forums  

Go Back   Rising Sun Member Forums > Toyota 4x4 > General Chit Chat

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #261  
Old 02-02-2008, 11:22 AM
Romer's Avatar
Romer Romer is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Englewood, Colorado
Posts: 7,123
Default

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy

The 87 year old said 'Well, I eat Jewish rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies.'

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, 'Do you have any Jewish rye bread?'

She said, 'Yes, there's a whole shelf of it . Would you like some?'

He said, 'I want 5 loaves.'

She said, 'My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard.'

He replied, 'I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this **** but me.'
__________________
Ken Romer - K0ROM
04 UZJ100
77 FJ40
11 RX350
02 Kimberley Kamper

Reply With Quote
  #262  
Old 02-05-2008, 09:55 AM
Tch2fly's Avatar
Tch2fly Tch2fly is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Peachtree City, Georgia
Posts: 929
Default

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2triiYXSY8
__________________
Mike W.
Reply With Quote
  #263  
Old 02-05-2008, 09:37 PM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,162
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default Got Moate?

Never piss off a redneck who owns a backhoe!
Attached Images
 
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
  #264  
Old 02-06-2008, 12:04 PM
Tch2fly's Avatar
Tch2fly Tch2fly is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Peachtree City, Georgia
Posts: 929
Default

Wow only the "resident asses" were hit by the tornado???
Attached Images
 
__________________
Mike W.
Reply With Quote
  #265  
Old 02-07-2008, 10:19 AM
Red_Chili's Avatar
Red_Chili Red_Chili is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Littleton CO
Posts: 8,409
Default From the 'seemed like a good idea at the time' file...

This is an actual letter from a farmer in Kansas. It seems that deer are a lot smarter than cattle. No mention of where the farmer aligns in that hierarchy.
---------------------------------------------------------

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of months, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that since they congregated at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) that it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, who had seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope with some dignity; a deer, no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I originally imagined. The only up side is that they do not have as much stamina as many animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.

At that point I had lost my taste for corn fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand. Kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and started moving up so I could get my rope back. Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head - almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and make contact right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that when an animal like a horse strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a little girl and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and three times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now when a deer paws at you and knocks you down it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

Now for the local legend... I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was the co-op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling, "what happened?"

I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear...not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer". I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it.

The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me, and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. So he did.

Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could... I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.

EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the co-op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people the real story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an outsider - a "city folk" - I have enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and whispering, "There is the dumb a$$ that tried to rope the deer."
__________________
-Bill Morgan
Heb Dduw, heb ddim; Duw a digon
Abnormally aspirated
KDRCH
Bio Page
I'm that gun-totin', farm-raised, evangelical, pro-environment, OHV ridin'/drivin', Southern civil rights pro-labor Liberal yo' momma told you couldn't possibly exist.
Reply With Quote
  #266  
Old 02-07-2008, 10:31 AM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,162
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default Derr Attack

OMG...that was funny Bill!
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
  #267  
Old 02-08-2008, 10:54 AM
Tch2fly's Avatar
Tch2fly Tch2fly is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Peachtree City, Georgia
Posts: 929
Default

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwMj3...al-stood-still
__________________
Mike W.
Reply With Quote
  #268  
Old 02-10-2008, 10:13 PM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,162
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default R U Kewl?

How Cool Were You In High School?

This is a pretty cool test, check it out.

This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc., it's pretty accurate.

You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed.

LET'S SEE IF YOU ARE A COOL PERSON:
How Cool Are You Test
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
  #269  
Old 02-11-2008, 04:47 PM
corsair23's Avatar
corsair23 corsair23 is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton
Posts: 8,698
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Ben View Post
OMG...that was funny Bill!
X2

Did you guys ever hear the "supposed" 911 recording of the drunk guy who hit a deer with his car, thought he killed it, so he stuffed the sucker in his back seat to take home for dinner? Funny stuff...Couldn't find the audio but here is the Snopes on it...

http://www.snopes.com/critters/farce/deaddeer.asp
__________________
Jeff Z. (the "not quite as skinny" one)
TLCA #17037
'97 LX450 - aka "The Whale"
'97 FZJ80 Antique Sage AE #267, stock
12/74 FJ40, 2F, SM420, 4" Lift, ARBs, 33" MTRs

:

"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

"I really like having a detachable unit." Beater
Reply With Quote
  #270  
Old 02-13-2008, 10:17 AM
Uncle Ben's Avatar
Uncle Ben Uncle Ben is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Louisville, Colorado
Posts: 13,162
Send a message via AIM to Uncle Ben
Default Blonde home improvements

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. Today I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole
year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.)
There was only silence at the other end of the line so I finally just hung up. He never called back.
__________________
KUBN
Kevin
TLCA #3007
Northside!

Colorado Trail Patrol
Stay on the Trail!
I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:38 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.