Rising Sun Member Forums  

Go Back   Rising Sun Member Forums > Toyota 4x4 > General Chit Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #451  
Old 01-27-2009, 09:47 AM
Hulk's Avatar
Hulk Hulk is offline
Cruise Moab Committee
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: South Side!
Posts: 11,396
Send a message via AIM to Hulk
Default

This is from Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.
Attached Images
 
__________________
Matt Farr, Centennial, Colorado | Webmaster: TLCA.org
1996 FZJ80 TLCA #4189 WRDY
www.rustybrain.com/cruisers my Rising Sun bio Facebook Twitter Need satellite Internet? Check out: Exede Internet

If you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
Reply With Quote
  #452  
Old 01-29-2009, 09:55 AM
Tch2fly's Avatar
Tch2fly Tch2fly is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Peachtree City, Georgia
Posts: 929
Default

For those of you that thought First Class seating doesn't matter in an emergency ...
Attached Images
 
__________________
Mike W.
Reply With Quote
  #453  
Old 01-29-2009, 10:31 AM
DaveInDenver's Avatar
DaveInDenver DaveInDenver is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Larimer County
Posts: 6,522
Default Greener Grass...

Its important in life to reach out, to strive for greater achievements, to go for that greener grass that is on the other side of the fence. But one must also be careful. Sometimes you can reach too far !



Attachment 11853





But when you find yourself over-extended and you're stuck in a situation that you can't get out of, there is one thing you should always remember.







Not everyone who shows up is there to help you...

Attachment 11854
__________________
'91 Toyota Pickup
'09 Kawasaki KLR650
'12 Gunnar Rockhound 29

"They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, 'Can he name a kitten?'" -- Samuel Butler

Last edited by DaveInDenver; 08-26-2010 at 09:15 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #454  
Old 01-30-2009, 05:30 PM
Red_Chili's Avatar
Red_Chili Red_Chili is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Littleton CO
Posts: 8,409
Default Don't mess with Grandpa

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa shows up with his attorney.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."



The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."
__________________
-Bill Morgan
Heb Dduw, heb ddim; Duw a digon
Abnormally aspirated
KDRCH
Bio Page
I'm that gun-totin', farm-raised, evangelical, pro-environment, OHV ridin'/drivin', Southern civil rights pro-labor Liberal yo' momma told you couldn't possibly exist.
Reply With Quote
  #455  
Old 01-31-2009, 07:07 AM
Beater's Avatar
Beater Beater is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: denver
Posts: 2,779
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tch2fly View Post
For those of you that thought First Class seating doesn't matter in an emergency ...
best societal comment I have seen in years!
__________________
a near-death experience is just god following "catch and release" regulations...


john (johnny) henley
Reply With Quote
  #456  
Old 02-03-2009, 10:59 AM
corsair23's Avatar
corsair23 corsair23 is offline
Rising Sun Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Littleton
Posts: 8,697
Default Drive up ATM Instructions

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.



*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!



1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
__________________
Jeff Z. (the "not quite as skinny" one)
TLCA #17037
'97 LX450 - aka "The Whale"
'97 FZJ80 Antique Sage AE #267, stock
12/74 FJ40, 2F, SM420, 4" Lift, ARBs, 33" MTRs

:

"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

"I really like having a detachable unit." Beater
Reply With Quote
  #457  
Old 02-03-2009, 11:47 AM
nakman's Avatar
nakman nakman is offline
Rising Sun Commander
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: north side
Posts: 9,917
Default

__________________
99 uzj100, 05 525EXC

www.gamiviti.com

Reply With Quote
  #458  
Old 02-03-2009, 12:23 PM
DaveInDenver's Avatar
DaveInDenver DaveInDenver is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Larimer County
Posts: 6,522
Default

Picts.
__________________
'91 Toyota Pickup
'09 Kawasaki KLR650
'12 Gunnar Rockhound 29

"They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, 'Can he name a kitten?'" -- Samuel Butler

Last edited by DaveInDenver; 08-26-2010 at 09:15 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #459  
Old 02-03-2009, 05:54 PM
nuclearlemon's Avatar
nuclearlemon nuclearlemon is offline
Hard Core 4+
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: denver
Posts: 5,708
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by corsair23 View Post
MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.



*******************************

FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!



1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
actually, the second section should be non english speaking residents
__________________
ige tlca #1431
Reply With Quote
  #460  
Old 02-08-2009, 12:26 PM
Hulk's Avatar
Hulk Hulk is offline
Cruise Moab Committee
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: South Side!
Posts: 11,396
Send a message via AIM to Hulk
Default

Yesterday, I was at PetSmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Angel the Wonder Dog. I was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her, 'No, I don't have a dog. I am starting the Purina Diet again.'

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet, and that the way it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets. Then you simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well, and I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her, 'No, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.'

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. PetSmart won't let me shop there anymore.
__________________
Matt Farr, Centennial, Colorado | Webmaster: TLCA.org
1996 FZJ80 TLCA #4189 WRDY
www.rustybrain.com/cruisers my Rising Sun bio Facebook Twitter Need satellite Internet? Check out: Exede Internet

If you think you can or think you can't, you're right.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:35 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.