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  #471  
Old 03-11-2009, 10:07 PM
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Default Redneck Lent

REDNECK LENT

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a venison steak.

But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic..And since it was
Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing
such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to
their priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a
Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and
as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, 'You were born a
Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic.
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night
arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the
neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he
rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him,
he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which
he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:
You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish
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  #472  
Old 03-16-2009, 08:43 AM
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farnhamstj farnhamstj is offline
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Default

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered,

'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,

not all blondes are dumb,

but all men...are men.
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  #473  
Old 03-16-2009, 09:13 AM
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Default

You do know why the Scots invented whiskey, don't you?






















To keep the Irish from ruling the world.

It worked.
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  #474  
Old 03-19-2009, 07:25 PM
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Default never mees with old people

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE IF YOU'RE OLD
George Phillips age 82 of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the polic e, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' He said 'No.' Then they said
'All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.' George said, 'Okay'. He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' and hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, 'I thought you said that you shot them!'
George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!'(True Story)

I LOVE IT! Don' t mess with old people!
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  #475  
Old 03-24-2009, 09:32 AM
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Default Italian Boy's Confession

....from Red Fox


AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

This could only happen with a little Italian kid..

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'

Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Maria Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her..'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My 2 lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'


4 months vacation and five good leads!
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  #476  
Old 03-24-2009, 03:28 PM
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Default

I have been laughing for an hour over this:

18 year old drew 60ft penis on roof of parents' million pound house BBC

The picture is hilarious.

More info from the Sun:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...cle2336886.ece
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Last edited by Hulk; 03-24-2009 at 03:52 PM.
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  #477  
Old 03-24-2009, 04:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hulk View Post
I have been laughing for an hour over this:

18 year old drew 60ft penis on roof of parents' million pound house BBC

The picture is hilarious.

More info from the Sun:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...cle2336886.ece
that is funny, thanks!
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  #478  
Old 03-25-2009, 01:01 AM
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Default

I'm laughing but this is scary..
http://jalopnik.com/photogallery/epi...rbo/1007635373
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  #479  
Old 03-30-2009, 11:24 PM
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Default Free Grill!

Grilling tip

As every Southerner knows, come next spring it will time to get ready for that all-important cooking technique of the south --- outdoor grilling!
I have just found out there are many stores (not just in the South) where you can get a FREE Bar-B-Q grill! In these tough times free useful items are very welcome. You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

A&P
Albertsons
Costco
Dan's
Food Lion
Fry's
Home Depot
Big Lots
Brookshire's
Lowes
Publix
Safeway
Sam's Club
Tesco
Target
Vons
Trader Joe's
Wal-Mart
Winn-Dixie
K-Mart


















I especially like the higher rack -- which can be used for keeping things warm!
Just make sure to get a metal one... the plastic ones don't do so well.
Ya'll enjoy now!
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Quote:
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I need an FJ40....
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Cruisers are superior
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  #480  
Old 04-02-2009, 11:04 AM
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Default

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
airplane when the stranger turned to her and
said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'


The little girl, who had just opened her book,
closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'


'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How
about nuclear power?' and he smiles.


OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
grass.. Why do you suppose that is?'


The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't
know SH*T?
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