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  #491  
Old 04-09-2009, 11:45 AM
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I would venture to guess 99.9+% of all the humor listed is fictitious...and the rest isn't true!
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I need an FJ40....
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Cruisers are superior
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  #492  
Old 04-09-2009, 11:48 AM
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and 98% of all statistics are made up on the spot
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  #493  
Old 04-09-2009, 12:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tch2fly View Post
and 98% of all statistics are made up on the spot
and the other 2% of those are made up on the fly!
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I need an FJ40....
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Cruisers are superior
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  #494  
Old 04-09-2009, 01:47 PM
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There are lies, there are Damn lies, and then there are statistics
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  #495  
Old 04-09-2009, 01:58 PM
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On average.
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  #496  
Old 04-09-2009, 09:57 PM
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A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist, who had prepared carefully for weeks, completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I've never seen before in my entire career."
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"...anything else i can do for you guys, how about i wash your car or mow your lawn while you figure out your firewall system? I am now boarderline insane/unibomber." Kipper

"That assumes I'm even capable of pulling and stabbing..." Jacket

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  #497  
Old 04-09-2009, 10:16 PM
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Quote:
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On average.
you know, half of success is 90% mental.
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  #498  
Old 04-09-2009, 11:48 PM
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Default bad kitty

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab
company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front
door to leave the house. The cat we put out in the back yard, scoots
back into the front door.

We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat
the bird. My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the
cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab,
my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for
the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said,
as we drove away. 'That stupid b#@$% was hiding under the bed. I had to
poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take
off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket
to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat a$$
downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!

The cab driver hit a parked car.
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  #499  
Old 04-09-2009, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 80lolux4x4 View Post
...


Great joke but we do try to edit out the profanity for the most part....we may be loose but we're classy!
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I'm the God-fearing, gun-toting, American flag-waving, conservative you were warned about!
Quote:
Originally Posted by AxleIke View Post
I need an FJ40....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Cruisers are superior
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  #500  
Old 04-09-2009, 11:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Ben View Post
Great joke but we do try to edit out the profanity for the most part....we may be loose but we're classy!
I'll fix it.
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