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  #531  
Old 06-22-2009, 10:13 AM
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A whole new way to amuse yourself with sheep

100% safe and the funniest thing I've seen in a while
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  #532  
Old 06-23-2009, 09:06 PM
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Default New Office Policy

I didn't see this one on a search and thought Ige might like the timing of it


NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and/or carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.


Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.


Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.


Bathroom:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your Second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Management
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  #533  
Old 06-24-2009, 08:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corsair23 View Post
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Wow.
I knew it was draconian, but...
heck, I don't even know what this means but it sounds GRUESOME!














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  #534  
Old 06-26-2009, 07:50 AM
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"A Colorado Wife"


Three men married wives from different states.

The first man married a woman from Michigan. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Missouri. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Colorado. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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  #535  
Old 06-26-2009, 08:34 AM
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I screwed up typing our website URL and Google wanted to suggest something besides our club. Apparently there is a club with a different mission in Essex, England, called 'The Rising Sun'...
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Last edited by DaveInDenver; 08-26-2010 at 09:15 AM.
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  #536  
Old 06-26-2009, 08:42 AM
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A friend sent me a selection of to-the-point posters.

Name:  Gun Control.jpeg
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Name:  2nd Amendment.jpeg
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Name:  Firearms.jpeg
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Name:  Diversity.jpeg
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Name:  Poor Life Choices.jpeg
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Pink, no less. I think she really owns that rifle. Don't try to take it away from her.

Both eyes open indicates she is just posing?
Nope. Better target aquisition. Just how do YOU shoot YOUR AR in an unanticipated home combat situation?
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  #537  
Old 06-26-2009, 08:49 AM
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Name:  M4 Sopmod.jpeg
Views: 68
Size:  85.8 KB

Name:  45 ACP.jpeg
Views: 67
Size:  50.8 KB

Name:  AR 10.jpeg
Views: 67
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Name:  Anti-Tank Missle.jpeg
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Name:  Problem Solving.jpeg
Views: 66
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-Bill Morgan
Heb Dduw, heb ddim; Duw a digon
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KDěRCH
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I'm that gun-totin', farm-raised, evangelical, pro-environment, OHV ridin'/drivin', Southern civil rights pro-labor Liberal yo' momma told you couldn't possibly exist.
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  #538  
Old 06-26-2009, 08:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red_Chili View Post
Pink, no less. I think she really owns that rifle. Don't try to take it away from her.
A couple of things spring to mind:
  1. Based on trigger hand she is right eye dominant
  2. Aiming with both eyes open
  3. Typically right dominant people aim with right eye
  4. Finger not in safe position, but in firing position
  5. Appears to be a steady enough shouldering
Either she's practiced a lot or is a real neophyte with a carbine. The natural tendency for people is pick up and aim with one eye closed. Personally, I should be truly scared if I was the bad dude in this spot, you are about 1/10th of a second from having extra holes in critical places...

BTW, I like the little touch of having a pink magazine, too. The really completes the outfit. :-)
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  #539  
Old 06-26-2009, 08:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveInDenver View Post
Either she's practiced a lot or is a real neophyte with a carbine.
The smart money is on the former. And women typically are better marksmen than men.

God made man and woman. Samuel Colt made them equal.
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  #540  
Old 06-26-2009, 08:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveInDenver View Post
BTW, I like the little touch of having a pink magazine, too. The really completes the outfit. :-)
In a contrasting pastel. Tasteful.


I guess there are many forms of 'sexy' but I find that kind of feminine competence pretty irresistible.

Glad I married a lady like that!
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Heb Dduw, heb ddim; Duw a digon
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