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  #661  
Old 02-04-2011, 10:39 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacket View Post
^:d
x2 That was funny.
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  #662  
Old 02-05-2011, 07:37 PM
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Two young men are walking through the Ozarks when they come upon a hugh hole in the ground. Looking in the hole, they are unable to see the bottom.

First they try to drop a rock in the hole in order to hear it hit the bottom. They wait what seems like a few minutes and no sound of it hitting the bottom....

So they look around for something larger to throw into the hugh hole. They find an old transmission lying next to a stump and after struggling to pick it up, they manage to drop it into the hugh hole...

A few moments later, they step back from the edge of the hugh hole as a goat comes racing towards them very, very fast.....it passes them and jumps right into the hugh hole...They look at each other and shake their heads, trying to understand why the goat running so fast, leaped right into the hugh hole.

After a few more minutes, an old farmer comes running towards them asking if they have seen a goat running by. The two young men look at each other, then at the farmer and tell him that the goat came flying by them and jumped straight into the hugh hole and disappeared.

The old farmer replied that, that's impossible, because I had that goat tied to an old transmission right over there by that stump...
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  #663  
Old 02-17-2011, 01:36 AM
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Digging to a depth of 1,000 meters last year, French scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1,000 years. The French came to the conclusion that their ancestors had a telephone network centuries ago.

Not to be outdone by the French, English scientists dug to a depth of 2,000 meters. Shortly thereafter headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of a 2,000-year-old fiber-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier than the French.

One week later, Italian newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5,000 meters in a Rome marketplace, absolutely nothing was found. We thus concluded that 5,000 years ago, Romans were using wireless.
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  #664  
Old 02-17-2011, 01:45 PM
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memo to employees:

Attachment 22737
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"Why does the U.S. care which flag will be hoisted on a small piece of land thousands of miles away?" -- Ron Paul

Last edited by DaveInDenver; 01-25-2012 at 11:55 AM.
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  #665  
Old 02-17-2011, 03:31 PM
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Default Bragging at the Bar...

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, that's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in me favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it happened to me sister quite a few times."
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  #667  
Old 02-24-2011, 12:29 PM
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A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
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  #668  
Old 02-25-2011, 01:31 PM
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- funny one

Nothing of value to add other than this changes the reply count on the main page from 666 to 667
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  #669  
Old 02-25-2011, 06:49 PM
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Now 668.
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  #670  
Old 02-28-2011, 09:46 AM
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How to scare your kids.
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