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  #681  
Old 07-30-2012, 07:38 PM
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Talking Old Friends....

Wives don't forget old boyfriends!!!

A husband took the wife to a dance club on the weekend.

There was a guy on the dance floor living it large - break dancing,
moon walking, back flips, the works.

The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband replies, "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!
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  #682  
Old 08-28-2012, 03:10 PM
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...
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  #683  
Old 08-28-2012, 07:20 PM
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I sent that on to my wife... the teacher...
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  #684  
Old 08-28-2012, 08:26 PM
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I sent that on to my wife... the teacher...
^^Same and same. First time I've seen that....
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  #685  
Old 09-21-2012, 01:57 PM
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Default Joke of the day

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one man "why are you eating grass"?

"We don't have any money for food" the poor man replied "we have to eat grass".

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there under that tree".

"Bring them along" the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated "You may come along with us also".

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me"!

"Bring them all as well" the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said "Sir, you are too kind".

The other man said "Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You will really love my place".

"The grass is almost a foot high!!"
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  #686  
Old 10-23-2012, 01:11 PM
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Default Deer Crossings

I can't believe no one has posted this up yet?

It is audio only but funny as you know what...Remember, people like this are among us

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  #687  
Old 10-23-2012, 02:35 PM
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That is hilarious, But it has to be a prank. I dunno, but she just sounds a little like she is trying to keep from busting up laughing on the air. Maybe not.

Either way, an EXCELLENT laugh! :P
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  #688  
Old 12-10-2012, 07:40 PM
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The Afghan Quarterback...

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.

The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
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  #689  
Old 12-12-2012, 12:10 PM
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You may have heard that Hostess Bakery plants shut down due to a workers' strike.

But you may not have heard how It was split up.

The State Department hired all the Twinkies, the Secret Service hired all the HoHos,

The generals are sleeping with the Cupcakes and the voters sent all the Ding Dongs to Congress.
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  #690  
Old 12-20-2012, 01:46 PM
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With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends and family about drinking and driving. As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before. I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.

Have a safe and happy Holiday!
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