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  #11  
Old 07-21-2013, 07:11 PM
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I believe intention are very important to remember. It keeps me humble. That said I also believe in good boundaries. It keeps the drama out and keeps us happy to be around each other. On instance with my mother-in-law (the first on MANY boundaries) was her commenting on my weight. I'm rounder than I used to be and it is a bit of a sore spot. She was always using a demeaning tone and though I reminded myself she has the best intentions I drew the line in a respectful manner. Since then she has been more respectful and nice to be with.
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  #12  
Old 07-21-2013, 07:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by farnhamstj View Post
Find some good educational stuff for her to play on the ipad, read books, ect. We go through the same stuff with my parents/ wife's parents.
You can use the i-pad as reward and punishment. Earn time for good behavior, lose time for poor behavior.


She's a Grandma, that's what Grandma's do. That's why Grandparents are Awesome. If we're lucky, we'll get to be that awesome one day.

We now send our kids to stay with Grandma and Grandpa for 10 days every August. Grandparents follow the rules better when kids stay overnight at their house for a few days.
I like it, especially the multiple day part! Thanks for all the input from everyone... My anger is beginning to subside as I look at this from different angles.
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  #13  
Old 07-21-2013, 09:35 PM
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Family situations are tougher when folks don't communicate openly.

I'd invite grandma to a chat, make it casual over dinner... then engage with your concerns, and let her share hers. At the end of the day reassure her that you are the parents, and what you say WILL go when it comes to your kids.

Grandma wants to bless your kids, way to go grandma...

However, you know what IS BEST FOR YOUR KIDS! Way to go mom and dad.

I still believe the father is the head of the house, that's big time responsibility... I feel it's time to gently and respectfully step in and lead your family.

I too would ask grandma to open a college fund or buy a zoo pass or a pass to the local pool or whatever you think is in your kids best interest.

Be open, share your concerns, hear hers... then lead YOUR family.
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  #14  
Old 07-21-2013, 11:17 PM
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100% agree with leading the family. This is a tricky situation because we've had more than one casual but serious discussions. These go well up until the point where she dislikes or disagrees with our stance. At this point she shuts down and stop listening, literally checks out of the discussion or tries some passive aggressive crying.
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  #15  
Old 07-22-2013, 10:46 AM
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Crazy. We live back behind the Browns. Back in the hidden valley ranch area.
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  #16  
Old 07-22-2013, 08:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baja1d View Post
My anger is beginning to subside as I look at this from different angles.
Look inward as the anger was triggered by her, but not because of her. No need for you to suffer being angry for more than 30 seconds.

Quote:
Originally Posted by farnhamstj View Post
Grandparents follow the rules better when kids stay overnight at their house for a few days.


Quote:
Originally Posted by baja1d View Post
At this point she shuts down and stop listening, literally checks out of the discussion or tries some passive aggressive crying.
Sorry to hear. That's tricky and is going to require some real top notch skills to manage.
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  #17  
Old 07-22-2013, 08:43 PM
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Ipads are great for kids if you control the content. Plus they can "FaceTime" grandparents to see them more often. Bridger knows how to use Marianne's better than I do. He gets a pretty even split of educational "games" mixed with angry birds. He has been using it since age 1?

As far as boundaries with grandparents that is a tough one. We generally issue a no gift rule for most occasions unless its a hand me down. We just don't need more crap for the kid in most cases. I'd rather a visiting family member go take Bridger somewhere and do something special than buy him something to sit in the toy box.
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  #18  
Old 07-22-2013, 10:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baja1d View Post
100% agree with leading the family. This is a tricky situation because we've had more than one casual but serious discussions. These go well up until the point where she dislikes or disagrees with our stance. At this point she shuts down and stop listening, literally checks out of the discussion or tries some passive aggressive crying.
Sorry man, that is tough. REALLY TOUGH... you are doing the right thing. Is there any chance your wife can pull her aside and speak into this a little more directly? Sometimes blood can say things to blood that the "by marriage" can't. Don't get too down, you're doing a great job to be this involved on your families behalf already man, keep it up!
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  #19  
Old 07-23-2013, 06:20 AM
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Success!!! Grandma called & asked about the iPad. We stated that we hadn't let her plan with it and are considering something more age appropriate. 30 minutes later she called again & asked if she could take Lilah to "build a doll".

I know that the iPads are wonderfully tools & in time they will be encouraged here w/ supervision. Until then, curiosity & exploration will have to do.
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  #20  
Old 07-23-2013, 07:08 AM
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Good on ya! Progress is a huge encouragement especially when there is a mutual resolution and not backlash. Sounds like she came up with a great alternative. Time spend with grand kid and imagination not spoiled. Win win win.
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"Apollo"-1988, 1999 3.4L, Supercharged, 2.1" URD pulley, URD 7th injector, 2 1/2" Magnaflow exhaust, TO DO: lift, locker.

"Did you know the IFS was designed by Hitler himself to make the life of 4WD owners tough? Yeah, it's true, he saw a vision of the Devil and he told him to do it." -DaveInDenver
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