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  #11  
Old 06-11-2008, 09:29 AM
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Where is Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

It is just a flesh wound
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  #12  
Old 06-11-2008, 10:56 AM
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Originally Posted by nakman View Post
Corsair, bring that World Police movie for sure, man! sweet...
and nobody laughed at the "freedom isn't free" magnet on the back of Hants rig this year at Moab. I figured everyone would get that reference.
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  #13  
Old 06-11-2008, 11:23 AM
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Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis...

Sir Robin: That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.

- - - - - - -

King of Swamp Castle: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.

- - - - - - -

French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to?

French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

- - - - - - -

Sir Lancelot: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.

Sir Galahad: I don't think I was.

Sir Lancelot: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.

Sir Galahad: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

Sir Lancelot: No, it's too perilous.

Sir Galahad: Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.

Sir Lancelot: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.

Sir Galahad: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?

Sir Lancelot: No. It's unhealthy.

Sir Galahad: I bet you're gay.

Sir Lancelot: Am not.

- - - - - - -

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?

Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Sir Bedevere: A newt?

Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.

Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!

- - - - - - -

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there?

King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Pull the other one!

King Arthur: I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? Ridden on a horse?

King Arthur: Yes!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You're using coconuts!

King Arthur: What?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together.

King Arthur: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through...

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Where'd you get the coconuts?

King Arthur: We found them.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!

King Arthur: What do you mean?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Well, this is a temperate zone

King Arthur: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

King Arthur: Not at all. They could be carried.

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?

King Arthur: It could grip it by the husk!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.

King Arthur: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?

King Arthur: Please!

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Am I right?

King Arthur: I'm not interested!

Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: It could be carried by an African swallow.

King Arthur: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?

1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Oh yeah, an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.

Second Swallow-Savvy Guard: But then the African swallow's not migratory...

- - - - - - -

King Arthur: Old woman.

Dennis: Man.

King Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?

Dennis: I'm 37.

King Arthur: What?

Dennis: I'm 37. I'm not old.

King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man".

Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".

King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.

Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out did you?

King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...

Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.

King Arthur: Well I am king.

Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

King Arthur: I am your king.

Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.

King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

[Angelic music plays... ]

King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

King Arthur: Bloody peasant!

Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, Didn't you?

- - - - - - -

King Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?

Woman: King of the who?

King Arthur: King of the Britons.

Woman: Who are the Britons?

King Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king.

Woman: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Dennis: You'rw foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...

Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Dennis: Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would...

King Arthur: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Woman: No one lives there.

King Arthur: Then who is your lord?

Woman: We don't have a lord.

Dennis: I told you, we're an anarco-sydicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week...

King Arthur: Yes...

Dennis: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...

King Arthur: Yes I see...

Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

King Arthur: Be quiet!

Dennis: ...but by a two thirds majority in the case of...

King Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?

- - - - - - -

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Sir Lancelot: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?

Sir Lancelot: My name is Sir Lancelot of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Sir Lancelot: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?

Sir Lancelot: Blue.

Bridgekeeper: Go on. Off you go.

Sir Lancelot: Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Sir Robin: That's easy.

Bridgekeeper: Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

Sir Robin: Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your name?

Sir Robin: Sir Robin of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Sir Robin: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is the capital of Assyria?

[pause]

Sir Robin: I don't know that.

[he is thrown over the edge into the volcano]

Sir Robin: Auuuuuuuugh.

Bridgekeeper: Stop. What... is your name?

Galahad: Sir Galahad of Camelot.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

Galahad: I seek the Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour?

Galahad: Blue. No, yel...

[he is also thrown over the edge]

Galahad: auuuuuuuugh.

Bridgekeeper: Hee hee heh. Stop. What... is your name?

King Arthur: It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.

Bridgekeeper: What... is your quest?

King Arthur: To seek the Holy Grail.

Bridgekeeper: What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King Arthur: What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

Bridgekeeper: Huh? I... I don't know that.

[he is thrown over]

Bridgekeeper: Auuuuuuuugh.

Sir Bedevere: How do know so much about swallows?

King Arthur: Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

- - - - - - -

Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me.

All: And me. And me too. And me.

Dingo: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.

Dingo: And after the spanking, the oral sex.

Galahad: Well, I could stay a bit longer...

- - - - - - -

King Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

[the Black Knight doesn't respond]

King Arthur: I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

[No response]

King Arthur: I seek the bravest and the finest knights in the land who will join me in my court at Camelot.

[No response]

King Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

[No response]

King Arthur: You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy!

[Attempts to get around the Black Knight]

Black Knight: None shall pass.

King Arthur: What?

Black Knight: None shall pass!

King Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight. But I must cross this bridge.

Black Knight: Then you shall die.

King Arthur: I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!

Black Knight: I move for no man.

King Arthur: So be it!

[They fight until Arthur cuts off Black Knight's left arm]

King Arthur: Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!

Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch!

King Arthur: A scratch? Your arm's off!

Black Knight: No, it isn't!

King Arthur: Well, what's that then?

Black Knight: I've had worse.

King Arthur: You liar!

Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!

[They fight again. Arthur cuts off the Knight's right arm]

King Arthur: Victory is mine!
[Kneels to pray]

King Arthur: We thank thee, Lord, that in thy mercy -
[Cut off by the Knight kicking him]

Black Knight: Come on, then.

King Arthur: What?

Black Knight: Have at you!

King Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine!

Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?

King Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left!

- - - - - - -

Roger the Shrubber: Are you saying Ni to that old woman?

King Arthur: Um, yes.

Roger the Shrubber: Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.

King Arthur: Did you say shrubberies?

Roger the Shrubber: Yes, shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name is Roger the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.

- - - - - - -

Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.

Knight 2: NI.

Other Knights: Shh...

Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say...Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm.

- - - - - - -

King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder?

Tim: There are some who call me... Tim.

- - - - - - -
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  #14  
Old 06-11-2008, 11:37 AM
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I think Matt liked that Movie
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  #15  
Old 06-11-2008, 01:40 PM
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Thanks Matt....guess we don't need to take that one now!
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  #16  
Old 06-11-2008, 02:43 PM
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We should bring the club projector and a DVD player so we can watch movies at night.
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  #17  
Old 06-11-2008, 02:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shark Bait View Post
We should bring the club projector and a DVD player so we can watch movies at night.
dude.. you're like 60 posts behind.



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  #18  
Old 06-11-2008, 03:01 PM
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Let me know what I should Bring. I have about 250 DVD's

I have the new Rambo - Actually pretty good
MP and the Holy Graille


I have lots of great WWII movies, Westerns, Sci-Fi, Action, Comedy
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  #19  
Old 06-11-2008, 03:26 PM
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Monty Python and the Holy Grail for sure.
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Old 06-11-2008, 03:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hulk View Post
Monty Python and the Holy Grail for sure.
I have it....how 'bout Life of Brian?
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